January

With or without chronic pain, these last few weeks have been tough to say the least. I'm sure anyone in the UK would agree. 

With the country plunged into lockdown at the start of 2021, we have wrapped ourselves up into our little bubble - almost hiding from the world and realising that there IS such thing as 'too much news'; especially when everything feels negative and there isn't much good news to hear. 

Our weeks have been punctuated with the news of friends catching the virus or of people we know dying from the virus; quietly mourning the ones we have lost and praying for the ones who are sick to pull through, whilst secretly and perhaps selfishly touching wood that we continue to stay safe and that our family members stay protected from such a deadly virus. We have made sure to donate to charities for the vulnerable that are struggling right now such as;  Age UK and Streets of London as we feel so helpless and there is nothing else we can do. 

If the news wasn't bad enough, social media is riddled with opinion's on the political decision's made by the government regarding the virus and divided by those who are for and against having the vaccination - neither of which anyone can do much about; travelling abroad will not be as straight forward as it was, without having the vaccination, I think that much is a fair prediction. 

Everyone we know appears to either be over busy or under busy - the over busy being mostly parents who have once again been given the task of homeschooling. An example of the latter being the elderly or retired who no longer have the activities or socialising they once had to fill their time. 

The only 'trips' we have taken have been to and from hospital's and appointments; which have very much gone ahead and encouraged by the health professionals overseeing my recovery. 
I had my 14th MRI scan in 18 months a few days ago. I'm not sure if there is such world record but I'd be interested to see if I was close. I haven't yet got the results and will see my surgeon in a few days to receive them - this will confirm if I finally have the 'all clear' - words that I have dreamt of hearing for months - only two years ago words that I didn't even realise I needed to worry about. 

With a lot of time to think, I have been concentrating on what life will look like if I do finally get the all clear - with no sign of rules easing up anytime soon it isn't as if we can plan a nice dinner out or a family holiday to celebrate. Instead I have been focusing on my health and all the things I can do to give my body the headstart it needs to get on with the rest of my life. 

I had my first PT session at the start of the week; rules currently state that we are able to exercise with one person from another household outdoors. My personal trainer set up equipment in a cornered off area in a park next to my house - although the first session was gentle, there was still a fair bit of running and weight lifting to strengthen my core. I was pleased to find that I slipped into it all easily and felt healthier than I thought I would. I haven't run since July last year and felt proud that I glided back into running as if it was only the day before. I was tired when I returned home, but it was to be expected - my body is still recovering after all and the last operation was only three months ago. 

At the end of the week we drove into London for my first appointment with the pelvic specialist. After all my years working and travelling into London, I have never known it to resemble the ghost town that it currently is. We drove past my old office at lunchtime - a road that I have walked up and down to grab lunch or to do some lunchtime shopping many a time, dodging fellow office workers, finding a spot to sit on the grass in the summer and waiting in queues in shops or restaurants- none of which would be a problem now. It was unfortunate to see the amount of high street stores that had since shut down - empty and ghost like in an area that I had always known to be so busy. Even driving down Oxford Street - it was almost silent. 

I arrived at my appointment and the new consultant once again needed the background story to how I have got to where I am - a story I have told so many times to so many doctors - with just the most recent chapter added each time. I was examined and it was an intrusive examination - with the surgery I've had, it always is. I was unexpectedly complimented on my 'amazing pelvic floor'  - she then went on to say how lucky my husband was; I'm not sure if this was her way of lightening the mood or to make me feel better about myself. 

She confirmed there was no nerve damage, as I wouldn't be able to 'clench' my muscles as hard as I can if there was - which was great news. She reiterated that my nerves were 'annoyed' due to the amount of surgery I had. I was advised to buy an expensive machine that would help to 'wake up' my nerves which is to be used five days a week for three months - I will be advised on how to insert this via a video call - what a strange start to the year! 

Shortly afterwards I had an appointment with my nurse for my wound check - the scarring is looking good - albeit with an open wound still.  I'm amazed at what my body has done after three major operations; all that it has been through and in the time that it has managed to heal. I was sat down and advised that rest is still the most important thing I can do - as if I have the opportunity to or go anywhere else! - what hit me hard was that my nurse said that as much as I have had so much taken away from me; eighteen months ago I didn't even know that I would be here for my children, so I should not feel guilty about resting, I'm alive and here for them and that is the most important thing.  It reminded how serious this all has been; it's very easy to forget all that has happened during a very current pandemic. 

In a matter of days I will find out my MRI results and after everything that is or has happened - all we are hoping for is good news - finally.