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Surgery preparation

 As I write this, I have exactly a week until my fifth operation.  With COVID numbers apparently high (according to the media) along with friends and family around me catching it and dropping like flies over Christmas; I have decided to wrap myself up in bubble wrap (not literally) and keep myself protected from the outside world so that I do not jeopardise my opportunity to step into the hospital and have the surgery that will hopefully allow me to be pain free for a year and provide me the closure I need, from what has been a traumatising 30 months.  Christmas was as magical and warm as expected with two excited four year olds - however, incredibly tiring due to said four year olds waking up at 4.30am ready to find out if Father Christmas has been (always 'Father Christmas' never 'Santa' - I'm British after all) and to begin the festivities.  So there we were - managing to delay until 5am, but half asleep putting together every single toy one after the other, like...
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When it all happens at once.

This week marks one year since my last major operation. I haven't written a post for a while and that is mostly because there hasn't been much to update, on my recovery, no good news that that I can end on a positive note, no 'I'm pain free' or 'I'm feeling much better' - which is frustrating as it is negative and I didn't want this blog to be doom and gloom - however, I did want it to be honest - so I'll write an update which is exactly that.  After my pain specialist left me pondering the four options I had, in order to proceed with my recovery, I went to the pharmacy to collect my monthly prescription of Citalopram (taken for OCD and PTSD in my case, but we all have our own story) - the GP at the pharmacy confirmed that my pain specialist just went ahead and changed my medication anyway (remember it was a matter of replacing my citalopram with a 'rubbish anti depressant' which was a good pain relief but a 'RUBBISH' antidepressa...
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Be kind (to yourself)

 This week marks two months since my last operation. I'd like to say that I'm on the mend, but I had a set of blood tests this week and my infection rate is very high - so It looks like I'll be on another load of antibiotics by the weekend.  Not only that, but my scarring from the third operation has turned into keloid scarring - which is very painful. It seems I'll have to rest a while longer, before I can begin to get back on my feet.  I'd like to say that I have improved and learnt from each recovery period as time has gone on - as you already know, I didn't allow myself to recover after the first operation due to my upcoming wedding, by the second operation I had scared myself with the infection and my traumatic experience at Fenchurch street station; thinking I was going to die. I  felt that I had been given a second chance to get it right and I owed it to my body to take my recovery more seriously.  My surgeon had suggested therapy and although I was hesit...
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