Crumbs, Bakes and Backaches

Today, I woke up - in pain as usual - and whilst I was gobbling my painkillers I remembered I had a dream about eating homemade sausage rolls. 

That was it - I had the urge to make homemade sausage rolls, there was no going back and to top it all off I wanted to make a homemade crumble as well. 

Autumn is my favourite month by far - I love Halloween and I adore the colours on the trees, the sunny yet fresh weather, apples and conkers on the dewy grass and the smell of mixed spice, cinammon and bacon. 

I made a pact with myself back when we moved in to our home and started our family, that I would be that mum who baked and cooked from scratch - especially in autumn when the weather is turning cold - and thats exactly what I became and I rather enjoy it (when I don't have a child hanging from my ankles). 

Unfortunately though, the recent operations over the last fourteen months have taken that away from me for the time being, as my energy levels are incredibly low. 

One minute be fine and having a full blown conversation then I'll eat something or go for a walk and zap! my energy has gone. Like a switch. 

Apparently it is due to my body working really hard to heal and fuse everything back together again. 

But I have found the lack of energy beyond fustrating. 

So, I wanted to make the sausage rolls and crumble - my husband tried to talk me out of it but dammit I said, I'm fustrated, I've lost my independance and I want to make some sodding comfort food for my family! is that ok?!! and he quickly agreed and threw me in the car just to shut me up I presume. 

I made said sausage rolls (with pork meat, apples, nutmeg, thyme and shallots) and the autumn crumble ( with apples, plums and blackberries - I even had some left over so I made another one for my in laws!) and I was back to feeling like a domestic goddess again. 

Then it disappeared - my energy that is; not the food.  I was close to fainting, I was shaking, hot, dizzy and my limbs felt like lead. Just like that, within seconds of just doing a gentle activity, I felt like I was dying.

My husband carried me to bed - I cannot use the stairs right now since my operation three weeks ago - and he tucked me in with a large side order of 'I told you so.' 

But I did it! I actually achieved exactly what I wanted to do when I woke up this morning and I feel proud of that. 

Yes, I'll now be in bed for the next couple of days and yes, I feel very unwell and in alot of pain from overdoing it, but I feel like a good mum again;  my family have treats to look forward to and I feel very very very slightly like myself again for the first time in months.

Plus most importantly, in case you're wondering; they were bloody delicious!