Skip to main content

Chapter 31

This week marks my 31st birthday. 

I have mixed feelings - I feel as though my recovery has been slow and that I haven't felt much improvement, but I have felt more positive than I have in the six months since my last operation - as though I am due and deserve to celebrate. 

As we ease out of lockdown, the options to celebrate are limited, but if I'm honest with myself I don't yet feel ready for the big wide world - aside from my boys, I feel like I have no news or change to report and have felt stuck on pause for weeks upon weeks. I haven't drank alcohol for a long time and wouldn't feel ready to 'party' as such -  I'd like to stay within the cocoon I've built around myself until I'm healed enough to face everyone. 

We plan to spend the next three days as a family of four or seeing immediate family on both sides;  celebrating and creating memories, hopefully with some sunshine (!!) 

I'm looking forward to Covid restrictions easing further, with my next reiki session booked for as soon as next week, along with nail appointments and a trip to Chessington World of Adventures with the boys to enjoy as a family. 

Restrictions lifting just as I am beginning to feel positive feels almost deliberate and the start of a new chapter. Chapter 31. (cringe) 

I'm a huge believer in creating positivity for a positive outcome - Rare Disease UK recently shared my story on their website (which you can read here: Lauren’s Story - Rare Disease UK ) and I'm hoping that will raise awareness for other people, children and parents going through what I have been through - that one day this experience, blog and story won't be about me anymore - but that my words will help someone;  help them through the difficult journey that a rare disease or a major operation is. 

I am also taking part in a naked photoshoot in a couple of weeks (the evidence of which perhaps shouldn't be shared here...) to promote post surgery body positivity and confidence. I'm aware it's incredibly daring; half of the shoot will be outside in a public place (hot water bottles at the ready!) but isn't that what life is about? I haven't been living for so long, feeling as though my wings have been clipped and now is the time to live life to the full. 
Things have been tough and although my darkest days are almost pitch black - I'm feeling more ready than ever to push life's limits. 

So this week not only will I be celebrating my birthday, I'll be celebrating being alive. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Background and The Beginning

Funnily enough, my husband and I went to the same gastro pub, in Hullbridge, a few weeks after my first major operation.  We had less than two weeks until our wedding and my husband suggested a childfree dinner to celebrate my recovery from that operation and cancer free status at that time.  As we drove back home, there was the most beautiful sunset - we played our 'walking down the aisle' song - which by the way was 'Everlong' by Foo Fighters - and afterwards we laughed that we were over the worst of our bad luck; unfortunately we were very wrong.  I'll take you back all the way to the beginning, before I was a wife and a mother, back when I was much less responsible and years before I met my husband.  In 2010 I went travelling. I had been at university studying Fine Art and was living in such a small claustrophobic town for most of my life, in the same house as my parents. At the age of twenty; I was bored.  Two of my male friends from school were already tra...
Post a Comment
Read more

Marching on in March

 I think with a major operation, just because it is over, doesn't mean the struggle ends there. It isn't like having a tooth out for example - the hardest part of the journey is the recovery, the time in between operations, building yourself up to then get knocked back down; stripped of your energy and shine.  Its been a really hard week. The pain doesn't feel as though it is getting any easier, sometimes it feels as though it is getting worse and I've spent more night's lying awake in pain, than I have in a blissful deep sleep, healing my broken body.  I spoke to my surgeon this week and expressed my concern over the pain I am still in, five months after my last operation, he said that due to the fact my situation is so unique and the operation's were so complex, he would need to refer me to a pain specialist consultant. My surgeon confirmed that things aren't going as they should with my recovery - in regards to the pain and functionality - for example, my...
Post a Comment
Read more

Surgery preparation

 As I write this, I have exactly a week until my fifth operation.  With COVID numbers apparently high (according to the media) along with friends and family around me catching it and dropping like flies over Christmas; I have decided to wrap myself up in bubble wrap (not literally) and keep myself protected from the outside world so that I do not jeopardise my opportunity to step into the hospital and have the surgery that will hopefully allow me to be pain free for a year and provide me the closure I need, from what has been a traumatising 30 months.  Christmas was as magical and warm as expected with two excited four year olds - however, incredibly tiring due to said four year olds waking up at 4.30am ready to find out if Father Christmas has been (always 'Father Christmas' never 'Santa' - I'm British after all) and to begin the festivities.  So there we were - managing to delay until 5am, but half asleep putting together every single toy one after the other, like...
Post a Comment
Read more